Kris Bronson · Oct 28, 2025 · 4 min read
Coping with Grief During the Holidays
The holiday season is often a warm and joyful time. Parties, gift giving, holiday traditions, and time spent with friends and family can make the season special. But when one has experienced a loss – a relationship breakup or the death of a loved one, whether recent or from the past – the holidays can feel like an intrusion. While the rest of the world seems caught up in fun and excitement, it may feel very difficult to join the celebrations. What’s more, the very fact that people are celebrating can intensify feelings of sadness and loneliness. Holiday memories that were once happy may now feel bittersweet.
Unfortunately, grief does not suddenly disappear because Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’s Eve, or any holiday that is meaningful to you arrives. It can be helpful to consider some ways to cope during the holidays:
Remember the basics of self-care. Now is an important time to take care of yourself. Be sure to get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, drink more water and less alcohol. Maintain a regular exercise routine. Set aside time for relaxation. And remember to pamper yourself, from time to time, with something that soothes and comforts you.
Accept that feelings are normal. You will likely experience a variety of emotions as part of your grief. These feelings may magnify or feel more intense around a holiday. While it is natural to feel sadness in response to a loss, it’s also very common to feel fear, guilt, relief, numbness, confusion, irritability, or anger. Sometimes these emotions will follow one after another, in a short period of time; at other times, several emotions may occur together.
Don’t drown your feelings. Holidays are a time when it is tempting to drown feelings with food, alcohol, or drugs. Avoid the temptation to numb yourself out. Instead, try sharing your feelings with someone or writing them out in a journal. Feeling and expressing your emotions will help you move through in a healthy way. Counseling can also be helpful if you find you need more assistance.
Turn down the pressure. Let go of expectations for how you “should” or “should not” feel or act. Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that doing your best may look different each day. Don’t pressure yourself to have fun, yet don’t automatically expect that you will feel miserable. Take the holidays one day at a time and give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel.
Observe holidays in ways that feel comfortable. Give yourself freedom to pick and choose activities. Don’t force yourself to take part in holiday routines or rituals if they don’t feel right to you now. It is OK to make changes that feel more comfortable. For example, you might decide to cut back on the celebrating or opt out of some traditions like gift giving or sending greeting cards. You might decide to try something new. For example, if you usually host everyone at your place, perhaps go out for dinner instead, or spend the holiday at a friend’s or relative’s home.
Lean on your support system. Reaching out is essential when coping with loss. Identify friends and family who can be the most supportive of you. Let them know how you are feeling; share your fears about the holidays with them. Most importantly, ask for their help when you need it.
Consider honoring your loved one. Especially if you are grieving a death, it may be comforting to honor your loved one in a meaningful way. You might create a memory box filled with photos and memorabilia, place a commemorative ornament on a Christmas tree, or light a candle. Even simply reflecting on positive memories or finding a quiet moment to honor them can be meaningful. If you’d like your tribute to have ripple effects, perhaps choose to volunteer or make a donation in your loved one’s name. Sometimes paying tribute can bring some solace and relief.
As the holidays approach, remember that grief is normal and necessary, even on a holiday. It also helps to remember that there are ways to cope with holidays, especially if you are gentle with yourself and connect with caring, loving people.
If you find reading beneficial, you might want to check out a book. Here are a few:
How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Melba Colgrove, Harold Bloomfield, and Peter McWilliams
The Courage to Grieve by Judy Tatelbaum
Healing Grief, Finding Peace by Louis LaGrand
This guest blog was written by Kris Bronson, Ph.D. and originally appeared on the Alliance Counseling site https://alliance-counseling.com/
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