Dr. Dessy · Aug 26, 2025 · 2 min read
Your Loving Questions Are Killing Your Parents
Your loving questions are killing your parents. Over 680,000 seniors are hiding falls right now.
My patient’s daughter called every morning.
“Mom, did you fall yesterday?”
“Are you being careful?”
“Promise me you won’t fall again.”
She thought she was being protective. She was training her mother to lie. Every question sounded like a nursing home threat. So mom lied for three weeks. Hip fracture got worse.
Your care becomes their terror. You ask about falls because you love them. They hear: “Prove you can’t live alone.”
Your concern = their prison.
Your questions = their lies.
You’re not protecting them. You’re making them dangerous.
The Fix
Stop asking about falls.
Ask about frustrations.
“What’s been annoying lately?”
Not: “Did you fall?”
Instead: “Tell me about your week.”
Not: “Are you being careful?”
Instead: “What’s been challenging?”
When they mention a stumble, don’t panic.
Ask: “What made that tricky?”
Fix situations, not them.
Here’s what happens when you change your approach: Mom starts sharing her struggles.
“The bathroom light burned out, making it hard to see.”
“My slippers are getting slippery.”
“I’ve been dizzy in the mornings.”
“My legs give out on me sometimes.”
Problems get solved before they become emergencies. Trust builds instead of breaks. Independence lasts longer. The moment they feel judged, they shut down. The same love that kills can save.
Stop killing them with kindness. Start saving them with conversation.
Dr. Desola Laolu-Akinola is a Doctor of Physical Therapy, Geriatric Clinical Specialist, and Fall Prevention Advocate
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